Sunday, July 5, 2009

Solitude

Is your head ever so full of thoughts and emotions and intentions that you become totally separated from the world around you? What do you do when your mind is spinning?

Sometimes family will say "What are you mad about?" or "What's wrong with you?" when I am lost in thought. I can't chat because my head is just too loud and I'm trying to quiet it.

I was like that today.

After an extremely emotional church service and beautiful worship music, I just felt like my head was going to explode. It was one of those messages you want all of your kids to hear (and anyone else in your life), just to share the common awe.
What happens to me is that when I continue to reflect long after the message is over and the tasks at hand have begun, I become very quiet.

This is not the usual me. I'm known to just blurt out random things, but not this time. My head (and heart) were reeling and I felt the need to be with those thoughts. Not alone, just with God and what message he was so strongly sending me, about how he cares more about my character than my comfort (thanks, Rick Warren), and I wanted to soak all that in. It was one of those Sundays when you wonder if the pastor was peeking into your life and brain all week, and he knew what you needed to hear.


Ron Burgundy and KT went for a run this afternoon and I was shortly behind on my bike. I rode the 21+ miles up to the labyrinth and back, alone with my thoughts. Sort of - I listened to the last of the "Q" series again, like twice wasn't enough. I can see why someone hacked Pete Wilson's Twitter account. I'd like to hack his brain.

My ride was pretty quiet - said hello to lots of people, gave directions to the A&W to one couple, the
n ran into an old friend who demanded a stare-down with me. I won. She ran quickly into the woods as I tried to take her picture without the zoom. Didn't help that my hands were shaking. I don't think she knew I was more scared of her than she was of me. Truth be told, we're both pretty harmless. And then I found some of that "knee high by the Fourth of July" corn we grow here in Iowa and sort of dreamed about walking into it and disappearing like all of Shoeless Joe's friends did in Field of Dreams. For the record, I'm standing up in this picture. I did walk into the field, but came out the same person, in the flesh. And sweat. Imagine that.
It was all in all a good day, though I'm still feeling rather pensive. RB and I worked on some budget items tonight and he's crashed in bed after a long, hot 8 mile run. KT has gone back to her home away from home, and hopefully tomorrow we'll all wake up after a peaceful night's sleep and remember that it's a new day and God is the same as he was the day before and the day before that and the day before that....

He's got everything covered.



Tea today: green with pomegranate

23 comments:

Alix said...

Indeed He does have everything covered... and although you don't disclose the contents of all your head explosions, I think you have everything covered in your post. I love that you need to be alone with your thoughts. You are so deep that way. Me? Much too ADD to keep a single thought in my head let alone a skull full.

By the way... we are home from our Welaka vacation, but made friends with lots of deer while we were there. You always have to be ready for them because you never know when they might be congregated just around the bend or springing out of some roadside thicket. I got some footage, although not as up close and personal as yours. But we did manage to get our fill of wild turkey photos. Jealous?

Eyeglasses & Endzones said...

I want to go on a bike ride!!! That sounds so fun right now!

Sorry I have not commented, I am vacation in Virginia and I have just not felt like being on the computer that much!

Hope you had a wonderful 4th of July!

vanilla said...

Amen; a great Monday sermon. Nice photo accompaniment, too.

sherri said...

I know the moments of which you speak...all too many. Words would take away so you just need to be alone. Love it!

*And I also need to start clarifying my photos:"For the record, I'm standing in this picture."
Yeah, sometimes the background in my photos make me look really short too. (ahem)

Annie K said...

My church service was like that too. I love those kind though.

And I'm glad you clarified that you were standing by the 'knee-high' corn. Your knees must be really high in Iowa. ;)

Helen said...

Those kind of sermons are the best.

Beth E. said...

Wow...21+ miles sounds like one heck of a bike ride! Way to go, Candy! :-)

We don't have deer in our neighborhood, but we do have lots of bunnies...

Blessings,
Beth

Steph @Red Clay Diaries said...

Wonderful post, Candy.

When I have a headfull of thoughts, my first instinct is to run away from them and find something to distract myself. (An old, bad habit, which dies hard.)

Glad you were able to spend so much time reflecting. My Sunday sermon was like that too... I've been able to ponder it for a couple days now, and it might just produce a post. ;)

wife.mom.nurse said...

Love those messages that speak so clearly to the heart...like it was meant just for you.


This was a beautiful post.

katdish said...

I get like that sometimes. I just need to be alone with God. Everyone asks me, "Are you okay?"

We sang one of my favorite songs at church Sunday, Unfailing Love:

when the darkness fills my senses
when my blindness keeps me from your touch
Jesus come
when my burdens keep me doubting
when my memories take the place of you
Jesus come

and I'll follow you there
to the place where we meet
and I'll lay down my pride
as you search me again
your unfailing love
your unfailing love
your unfailing love
over me again...

Billy Coffey said...

I get "Is something wrong" asked to me about ten times a day. And no, nothing is. I'm glad someone else understands that!

J-J & Lois said...

"Knee high by the Fourth of July"...something my Dad said to me as a kid. A very, very good memory, given tomorrow it's been 1 year since my Dad and J-J's Grampy passed. A good memory....thanks!

Sockrma18 said...

Pretty cool to have found you via Billy! I, too, have a picture of me standing next to the corn that should only be knee high by the 4th of July, but it's always WAY taller than that anymore!

Looking forward to following you!

Chris Sullivan said...

I don't ride the bike but I run and that just takes me deeper into whatever world I left this one to enter into.

Michelle said...

Happy Birthday Candy!!!

Sherri told me to come and visit with you so hello!!!

Happy Birthday!!!

Trudy said...

Stopping by from Sherri's to wish you a very happy birthday!

You've got a super cute blog here.

sherri said...

Have a day filled to the rim-full of blog fodder! Happy Birthday sweet Candy!

Annie K said...

Happy Birthday Candy! You're awesome, crazy, witty, sensitive, caring, hilarious and all that jazz! I love ya gal!!!

Nick the Geek said...

Seems 2b a lot of pensiveness around these days. I need to get myself a pensive so I can pull a few thoughts out for later reflection. You know how it is when there are so many thoughts and they all get muddled.

Anyways, have a great birthday.

Wendy said...

Happy Birthday Candy!!! You're 29, right? Hope it's a wonderful day for you!

Jim H said...

Visiting you from Sheri's - very uplifting post - makes me wish I'd gone to Iowa with my wife last week instead of staying in Nashville to work. Have a very happy birthday!

Candace Jean July 16 said...

Thanks all for stopping by and all the birthday wishes. Like I've commented on some of your blogs, I wish I'd have cleaned house and put up new sidebar crap, err.... curtains, or perhaps a recent post before you stopped by!

Yes, I'm only 29 again. And I'm following Nick's lead by putting "only" in front of every age from now on.

God bless all of you!

Reeni♥ said...

A sweet bird named Sherri whispered to me it was your birthday. I had to drop by and wish you a Happy Birthday!

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