"I'm Not as Good as I Once Was, But I'm As Good Once As I Ever Was...."

That Toby Keith song by sums up my brief (2 hour) return to the tennis court tonight. After a hiatus of over a year, I succumbed to threats and begs from old friends to make a return to what was once a joy I couldn't wait to feel again. Maybe I anticipated it too much. The trouble is, it wasn't joyful. It was painful, and for a variety of reasons, and I don't care to return again, at least for a while.

1. I arrived 5 minutes late, rushing in, no water, no visor, no towel
2. My first three shots hit the net
3. My next three shots went wwaaaayyy out
4. Seven must be my lucky number
5. The noise from my shoulder during my serve (that amazingly went in) sounded very similar to the popcorn I made last night. Sadly, the serve kept coming back to me - with a vengeance.
6. My forehand was errant to the max
7. I left my backhand at the office
8. I won 4 games out of about 26 played (that's the "I'm as good once.." part)
9. I had surges of unexplainable emotion that literally brought me to tears, wanting to enjoy the game like I used to, but couldn't
10. Begged off fall league because of some "balls and chains" in my life right now
11. Found out one of my tennis "cronies" has bone cancer - pretty much ruined the night for me

The first few months I didn't play, I mourned and missed it like an old friend. Tennis was who I was, where I found pleasure and release from the daily grind, where I could kick back with people who laughed with at me hysterically, and with whom I shared so much in common besides The Game. And if I say so myself, I was really pretty good competitive. Tonight we all still laughed, shared stories of new grandbabies, recent weddings, engagements, fabulous vacations, and I went through all the motions like a good teammate. Motions, but not e-motions. Only when I got in the car and drove home did the flood of tears hit me while listening to "Made to Worship" and I realized that things are different now.

Tennis apparently isn't who I am anymore. Maybe it never was. I've found some other comforts, other priorities, other peace. But I still love it and the fabulous memories of laughter and the "high" it always gave me. The sound of a bullet off the sweet spot. And that unforgettable smell from the new can of balls. BFFs. I can live with those memories. This is sort of like when your children grow up - you accept it and never forget the memories they created in your heart. Tonight I'll pray on it a bit. God can always change my mine, my heart. And if He does, perhaps He could tweak that forehand a bit, too. Surely He saw the need tonight.

Tea today: Revolution Acai Green

cOrN dOg.

Lucky loves it when I freeze corn, or when I fix anything, really. He's underfoot whenever I have a knife or spoon in my hand. He knows my antique electric (is that an oxymoron?) knife will make some random moves and throw a helping or two his way. He stands with his head between my legs to catch the kernels as they fall on his snout. He slurps and licks and my kitchen floor is as clean as a whistle when he's done. The green beans and tomatoes? Not so much. And if he looks at me saying "More, please?" he knows I'll throw him an ear of corn all his own. Golden gems for a puppy in his golden years. I have to be careful, though, because he's terrified of the silks! I guess that's the weiner in my little corn dog. Iowa State Fair's got nothing on my corn dog!
Tea today: Young Hyson

On Becoming my Mother

Other than my desk time at work, this was not a sitting day. It's no wonder I get tired by this time and want to curl up with my Bible, my puppy, and my iPod, in that order. It was Mom who taught me to wear out, not rust out. I'm trying to keep up with her, I guess.

1. Up at 5:45
2. Stretched and exercised back
3. Ate grapefruit, peanut butter toast, tea
4. Packed lunch (LOL- black currant yogurt, not much work there!)
5. Showered and went to work (story for another post)
6. Errands to Target and Walgreen's
7. Drove home, changed clothes, walked an hour of God time
8. Made 6 dozen ham balls for family reunion
9. Finished cooking and freezing 4 qt of sweet corn (free - thanks Mary!)
10. Cooked and froze 4 qt of green beans (free - thanks Mom!)
11. Cleaned up the kitchen (ugh - lots of pans)
12. Did my exercise ball, washed my face, and now I'm crashed in bed, short blog. I love my bed.
13. Remembered I forgot to eat supper - oops. Mom wouldn't have forgotten that.
14. Laid here feeling a bit like chopped liver (story for another post)
15. Hi God...it's me.....You knew that....

Tea tonight: left-over Genmaicha

Visit Lucky's DoggySpace page

Lucky said he needs some new friends, so I fixed him up with his own spot on DoggySpace. Stop by and visit! He would sure like some of his friends to join him, too!
Tea tonight: Genmaicha

The guy at the lake

He was young, 20ish, tanned, muscular, in a white tank top, sandals, and sitting with a forlorn posture looking out over the lake, chin in hands, elbows on knees. I thought about him as I passed by on my walk. Was he praying? Was he crying? Is he broke? Is his mom sick? Did his girl dump him? Something big was obviously on his mind, because as I returned to my car 45 min later, it appeared he had not moved a skosh. By his posture, I don't think he was out there singing praises. For the half mile he was in my line of vision on the way back, I contemplated walking the 30 yards across the grass to tell him.....what? What would I say? Ask if he's ok? If he needs anything? Just tell him I prayed for him for 2 1/2 miles? Would he be offended? Angry? Lash out? So rather than having bold "Jesus feet" I just kept walking. But I did pray for him (lame, I know - ultimate passive/aggressive). I hope he's ok. I regret not saying anything to him. You just never know when you're going to touch a heart, help a lost soul -- but the
skeptic, untrusting side of me said :::stay back:::

I believe now I was wrong to keep walking. Maybe he'll be there tomorrow. This is going to haunt me all night. I know there were times when my kids could have used a friendly stranger.
Tea tonight: Stash Green & White Fusion