Just a little more Life in my Day. Please.

***After-church update***
What an uplifting service and I have to say, that pretty-please prayer was answered. Not sure what kind of a funk I was in when I posted this morning, but I snapped out of it with the awesome Praise band, the sermon, and a great grilled chicken salad after Ron Burgundy and I got home. OK, I'm better now....but I still love this song!

Can't find video OR audio of this awesome NewSong song other than on my "Most Played" list on my iPod. But listen up - says it all for me today. The emphasis is mine. All mine.

My cell phone's ringing and I'm running late
Morning traffic's got me
Time is ticking away
A few more hours is all that I need
Seems like there is just not enough days in a week
But then it hits me
Time is not the answer
You've given me all the time in the world
All that I need is
A little more life in my day
A little more of Your life
A little more faith
A little more life in my day
A little more of Your light
To show me the way
If I'm gonna be in this world but not be of it
Lord, I need more of You
In all that I do
Put a little more life in my day
Sometimes I guess I get lost in the race
Trying to make a deadline just to keep the pace
I can't help feeling I'm always behind
So much that I can do if I could just find the time
But then it hits me
Time is not the answer
You've given me all the time in the world
All that I need is
A little more life in my day
A little more of Your life
A little more faith
A little more life in my day
A little more of Your light
To show me the way
If I'm gonna be in this world but not be of it
Lord, I need more of You
In all that I do
Put a little more life in my day
Lord, don't let be in such a hurry
Trying to live my life
That I miss You in it
Help me to take the time to see
All that I need, yeah
A little more life in my day
A little more life in my day
A little more of Your life
A little more faith
A little more life in my day
A little more of Your light
To show me the way
If I'm gonna be in this world but not be of it
Lord, I need more of You
In all that I do
Put a little more life in my day
(Pretty please???)
Tea today: Bigelow green

Me, a Respectable Sinner

Still thinking stewing prayerfully pondering about Bible study last night on the seemingly oxymoronic book Respectable Sins. It's about confronting the sins we tolerate in ourselves and others - you know, things other than like being an ax murderer or robbing banks. It's really fascinating and soul-baring. Some of things we talked about:

Worry.
Shame.
Pride.
Envy.
Guilt.
Ridicule.
Unhappiness (huh? yep.)
White lies (as in "no, your butt doesn't look fat in those pants").
Coveting.
Gossip.
Unthankfulness.
Telling someone you'll do something, then you don't.

Those were a few of the things we discussed, but I haven't gotten too deep in the book yet. It was such a powerful evening for me and I'm really enjoying the book along with the referenced Bible passages. My favorite reflection thus far is Galatians 5:22-23. It's such a good starting place for all of our daily actions (and reactions) to things, and how we are supposed to treat others on a daily basis.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

There was one really sweet girl there who is bearing the burden of a "Mean Girls" sort of experience, and is taking steps in her life to slowly move beyond it. Oh how I felt for her, but am so encouraged that she found peace and comfort in the group. What was really neat was that we ranged in age from 20ish to 50ish (yes, I was close to the oldest one there) and yet we had so many things in common and things to share. Perspective is everything. Looking at something with someone else's eyes can totally change the view. After mulling the Fruits of the Spirit over in my mind, I sure would like to see how Jesus sees things that I see. Or perhaps I wouldn't.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A perspective on prayer from one of the pastors at one of the churches on my "Someday I'm Going to Visit" list:

Sometimes prayer moves the hand of God, but it often changes the hearts of men and women as in prayer we capture something of God’s heart and are brought into agreement with and trust in Him.

Wow, that works for me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now something from the Are you serious??? category:
Margarita and Bloody Mary mix in the Food Bank??? I'm not getting that one.

But it's still a place where God lurks in every corner. I saw Him everywhere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Finally, why in the world does the label inside the fly of my capris I'm wearing today say "Find Adventure, Find Yourself?" I wonder if the previous owner asked that same question at some point. Just wonderin'.....

Tea today: White cantaloupe

The Family Stone, version 137

OK, so I haven't written about all versions of my family's propensity for forming kidney stones (it would take volumes), but today it's time again.

My baby. Alone. In a strange town. 110 miles away. No family doctor - until now. And though he wouldn't ever admit it... scared to death. I first heard the shakey uncertainty in his voice yesterday when he called about the blood and the tender, achy "brother." (What, you didn't know those two little things down there are called brothers?) First the blood, then the pain, then the SCATHING PAIN, the doctor, the barf-in-the-biohazard-bag, the CT $can, the drugs....oh my, what's a mother to do? I called too often. I heard about the worst of it after the fact, and I prayed. Oh, did I pray. Like a...

Down.
On.
My.
Knees.
Praying.
Fool.

For 36 hours.

Thank you, my God, for Your answer!

KT said she felt in her heart it wasn't really serious, that her gut said he was going to be fine, but Moms don't think that way and the nurse brain totally loses reason and critical thinking when your baby's involved. But after gallons of Crystal Light, a shot in the butt, a trip to the pharmacy, and a subsequent drug-induced coma, I think the worst is over. Or seems to be. And I so wanted to be there, to do something, to, yes, baby him. He is and always will be, after all, my baby.

The worst part of this, really? Now that it's over? Now that I know he's ok?

::: He really didn't need me after all :::

Selfish, selfish me.
Tea tonight: Harney & Sons Green with citrus & ginko

Praying for....the balance sheet??

Over the past few months I've found myself praying more for my job - that the circumstances (and yes, admittedly, some of the people) would change, that it would bring me more joy, that it would turn once again into a 40-50 hour a week pleasure, rather than the 60-70 hour obligation it has become. I hoped "the suits" would start to "get it" rather than insisting on conforming to the lowered standards of care that unfortunately are a result of their beefed-up productivity demands. In this world of older, sicker (and in my case younger and sicker and going back to work) patients, the convoluted data on the spreadsheet cannot possibly allow what is right for our patients.

Let me start with the premise that no healthcare provider would even exist without the patient. That is why the industry was created in the first place - because of the need to care for the ill, the infirm, the broken, the terrified. I work under a Mission Statement (and was asked to sign a paper that I agreed to uphold it) that declares we are "..committed to living out the healing ministry of the Judeo-Christian tradition by providing exceptional and compassionate healthcare services that promotes the dignity and well being of the people we serve..." Sounds great, huh? In fact, this statement reflects exactly my heart, my beliefs, my spiritual journey - everything I believe God has called me to do. So what's the problem? Sounds like a perfect work/life balance, doesn't it?

Not so fast.

Let's call it The Gap, since I haven't shopped there in several years. It appears I'm at The Gap - the huge Gap between what we say, and what I, as a follower of Christ first, and a health care provider second (or third, or fourth) am called to do. Minister. Serve. Witness. Not just to the patients, but to colleagues, fellow employees whom I have never met, and strangers walking the halls. I will never leave my profession. (Note, I didn't say my job). I will never compromise my standards or my values. But tonight there's tremendous cognitive dissonance as that gap widens because of the ever-present balance sheet, and the people who think that you can provide compassionate care with the formula function in Excel. I am unable to fulfill my personal mission OR my employer's mission, and what is really hard to understand is this - THEY ARE EXACTLY THE SAME. What's up with that? I wonder if this post will get me fired. In the meantime, I feel like I am being called to close The Gap, if it means walking away from 35 years of loyalty, sacrifice, joy, Godly coworkers. I regret the lost time with my family. Even my dog wonders who I am these days. And I guess I do, too.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." Colossians 3:23-24

Tea tonight: Mai Feng

Everlasting (a day late).

(scroll down and turn off my playlist first!)
My favorite line in this song is "You will always be the same, Your love will never change...." I need the comfort of that knowledge and since I am only human, I occasionally need to be reminded of how faithful really God is, particularly as we await the storms in the Gulf. Pray with me for the safety of our friends in the south.
Tea today: Green with pomegranate