Sunday, April 5, 2009

Pretty (Expensive) Feet

For the most part, feet are probably the least attractive part of the human body, except for my friend Janie who has those cutesy size 6's that are perfectly pedicured at all times and have skin like a baby's butt. If you look closely, even Katie Holmes and Paris Hilton have pretty disgusting feet, except they can disguise them with Jimmy Choo or Manolo Blahnik and get away with it.

Me, not so much.

I have these long, skinny contraptions at the end of my legs that look like they broke free from the skeleton in the cadaver lab. Even in narrow shoes, they flop right out. I'm trying to find a pair of heels to dye to match a dress, and the ones I found that would work best with my pitiful peds were $348.

I'm not a shoe snob (that's Sherri). I wouldn't buy those if I could afford them (actually she wouldn't either; she'd steal them).

Then there's the skin on those bony feet. I could show you pictures, but you'
d think you were looking at a dermatologic firestorm with bruised and absent nails, corns, callouses, bruises, and the like - all as a result of many years of slamming into the front of running and tennis shoes, having shoes that never really fit right, and yes, this dreaded eczema that decided to find its way to my 10 little piggies a few years ago. I've had 2 pedicures in my life, mostly because I don't like grossing out pedicurists, because my dermatologist advises against it, and oh, did I mention that I'm cheap?

So I ordered a pair of hot heels online (no, not the pricey ones. Cheep. Cheep.) hoping they'll fit. Or at least I can fill the insides with glue from my hot glue gun to make them fit (yeah, it works)! But I must get two toes on each foot looking presentable in order to wear them. I'll be working hard at that, including beefing up this prescription, that over the years, could have bought some mighty fine shoes.

Holey Moley, this stuff is pricey. $408.99?? You'd better mention my pretty feet when you see me.

Tea today: Green with Pomegranate


Beth in NC said...

I bet your feet are beautiful! :o)

sherri said...

For the record, I'm not a shoe snob, I have a high heel shoe fettish! But I buy Only Clearance or sale shoes. I don't care what the brand is. And EVENTUALLY, I WILL pay for them...if I remember! (or the police make me)

My feet are small, but not beautiful, so I hear ya' on the non appealing foot thing.

Big Al on the otherhand, could be a foot model. Go figure.

I know Paris Hilton doesn't like to cover up, but she really needs to make an exception with her boney toes. YIKES!

I'm reminded of the scripture, "How Lovely on the mountain are the feet of them...that bring good news."

Just keep brining us all good news and no one will be the wiser!

sherri said...

sherrification word: Brining = bringing

Candace Jean July 16 said...

@sherri - BRINE!! That may fix these feet! I never thought about brining them. It works for my Thanksgiving turkey!

shoe snob=anyone who says shoe and fetish in the same sentence. Oh, and it's only one "t" so I guess maybe you're just bordering on "snob"

Candace Jean July 16 said...

@Beth - I can always count on you for sweetness. My mom always poo-pooed my flaws by saying "you can never see 'em on a galloping horse..."

sherri said...

corect speling is so overratid.

Candace Jean July 16 said...

yea, sorta like haven kool shoos is.

And don't your feet ever hurt?? Hear that pounding noise? It's my hammer toe.

Alix said...

TOTALLY HILARIOUS! I feel your pain sistah. Although I get pedis on a regular basis, I'm always secretly wondering if those poor Vietnamese women are really THAT hard up for coin that they would subject themselves to the nastiness of working (i.e. filing, shaving, buffing, and massaging) on other people's feet for a living. But they really don't seem to care very much because this is their chosen profession. And have you noticed? They really treat it like a profession. Absolutely nothing grosses them out. Of course these are the same women who do Brazilian Bikini Waxes, so feet are probably no big deal to them. Imagine what they must see during a typical day. It boggles the mind. Plus... I hear (cannot corroborate, but it's the going rumor) that native Asians can be a little freaky in the weird department. To each his own. Live and let live. I'm just glad they take my business.

Now I want to see a photo of YOUR feet.

Beth E. said...

I'm sure your feet look just fine! But I understand completely what you mean. My pinky toes are curled under my other toes. You can hardly see them. My biggest issue with my feet is that they have grown! Sheesh...I wore a 7 1/2 for years and years. When I had our first son, I had to go to a size 8...second son, an 8 1/2. This year, I went through menopause. Now they are a size 9!!! I only have about three pairs of shoes that fit me anymore. Who can afford expensive shoes (or would want to) when their foot size keeps changing??? I'm just praying my feet will stop this growing stuff. It's hard to find cute shoes for longer feet. :/

Oh, and I have NEVER had a pedicure. I'm too cheap!!!

Helen said...

My feet are size 11, and swell, and they are still my sexiest feature. Sad. Very sad. And yes, I get pedicures, but not often. For instance, never in the summer, when my bare feet may be exposed on the beach or at the pool. I don't want to be a near occasion of sin for any swooning males.

sherri said...

Helen- you are such a Godly woman.

Nick the Geek said...

I'm not much into shoes. I have a nice pair of work boots that cost $150 and are 4 years old now other than that I spend $50 max on shoes and only own 10 pair including my work boots, dive boots, and slippers. I need a new pair of running shoes though. Those will cost more than I want to spend (I'd like to spend $20 or less on my shoes) but I'll make it happen because I know I'll regret it if I don't when running in cheep shoes.

Beth said...

You know a lot of Beths, Candy. :) scaly scalp. Fortunately you can hide feet most of the time. $400?? SHEESH. I'm too cheap to see a dermatologist about the scalp. Or to pay for meds to treat it.

I do love a cute pair of shoes, though. I'm with Sherri. Clearance all the way.

Annie K said...

My feet are soooo not summer ready. I need to get on it!

Jennifer said...

Hi Iowa girl. I'm one, too. :-)

My Iowa feet look a lot better in Florida humidity.

Beth E. said...

BTW...I sure miss your witty, clever comments on my blog! No pressure...I'm just sayin'!!! ;o)

~*Michelle*~ said...

OK, so my feet look like they belong to the dude from Tales of the know, that Crypt Keeper guy? eek. So I can totally relate to feet phobia......I have these obnoxious bunions that just look fabulous too. neat!

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone....

Oh, for might try spraying a diluted tea tree oil solution on those dogs. I also did a post, I think in Jan. called itchy itchy that has a great remedy for eczema too.


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