Saturday, May 2, 2009

But does he have a name??

I called my mom this week for a small piece of information. I was sending out invites to our son/future DIL's rehearsal dinner, and I wanted to invite the Pastor's fiance to join us after the rehearsal. I knew his first name but not his last and didn't want to just say "Paul" on the invite.

***(Names may or may not have been changed to protect the innocent me).***

Simple enough? Not for Mom.

Mom didn't answer the phone. Thank goodness she has one of those new-fangled contraptions called an answering machine. It's for when she's busy plunking out notes on her manual typewriter and can't hear the phone ring. Those suckers are loud! Did you know they still make ribbons for manual typewriters? Yeah, me neither. It took her four days to tell the typewritter ribbon story one time. Or maybe she told it four times. I lose track easily. And apparently I digress as well. But it was something about the sales guy's ex-wife being related to a guy's cousin who knew Ron Burgundy in college and what a small world we live in...

I left a message: "Hey Mom, what's Paul's last name? I want to put him on the rehearsal dinner invite. Just leave me a message. ThanksLove youBye."

I was at work and knew I might not get to my phone when she called back. A half hour later I picked up my phone and I had 3 missed calls and 3 messages.

Yep, all from Mom. I'm thinking this guy has a really long last name.

Message #1, 10:03 am: "I don't know what I possibly could have been doing when you called. I can't believe I didn't hear the phone. Oh yeah, I remember, I had my head in the dryer because I was vacuuming out the lint trap. That thing gets so much lint in it. You wouldn't believe all the laundry I did today, so after I was done, I decided to really clean out that lint trap. When I stuck my head in the dryer and ran the vacuum was probably when you called. I can't believe I didn't hear the phone. But then I probably wouldn't have gotten there soon enough anyway before you hung up. So well, uh, yeah that would be really nice if you'd invite Paul. I don't know if he'll be in town that weekend, but even if he isn't, it would be a really nice gesture. They are such a cute couple and I know he's met the kids before. I can't exactly remember when, but yeah, that would be really nice. OKthanksgoodbye."

Apparently she needed a moment to come up for air.

Message #2, 10:05 am: "Hi. Me again. I remember now. Luke and Rachel came with me to Brown Baggers, or was it the Widows Group...I don't remember. Oh, that was such a fun day! I was so proud to show them off. I'm the luckiest old lady around. Anyway, Paul was there and they visited with him and had a real nice conversation. I'm sure Ben and Abby have met him at church. He might be in town visiting - it would really be nice for you to invite him. I just couldn't remember where we were when the kids had that conversation. I'm pretty sure it was Brown Baggers. OKthanksgoodbye."

Breathe, Mom. Breathe.

Message #3, 10:08 am: "Hi, me again. I still can't believe I didn't hear the phone ring. But that vacuum is really loud especially when it's right by your ear. I sure hope my phone's working ok. I guess it is or you wouldn't have been able to leave a message. But I'd probably better get a different phone one of these days because sometimes when I'm listening to the baseball game I don't hear it ring either. Or if I'm way back in my bathroom. Do you think you can come and help me flip my mattress one of these days? I just can't do it by myself."

"Oh, and Paul's last name is Paulson."


I'm sure glad I didn't have to try to fit all of that on the envelope, bless her heart.

Got any dryer lint you need vacuumed? Want her number? I'm sure she'd call you back.

After all, she's got way too much time on her hands.

Tea today: Sencha


-stephanie- said...

Ahhh moms...gotta love em. I had a grandma like this.

katdish said...

Oh em gee! That was hilarious!

Also, you never mentioned that Sherri was your aunt.

Billy Coffey said...

Oh wow.

I didn't know we were brother and sister, because you just described my mother.

Candace Jean July 16 said...

I think my mother has just become an official member of FOTTSP. Too bad she refuses to move beyond her manual typewriter. Perhaps Aunt Sherri and Brother Billy can convince her.

Annie K said...

Candy, that is too funny! I heart your mom!

Alix said...


Mom's. Gotta love 'em.

That was just the funniest post ever, Candy. And I can sooooo relate. My whole family is like that. Catch my long-winded sister, Lisa, on a good (bad?) day and you never do get a word in edgewise before the inevitable "GottaGoLoveYouBye." Hysterical!

Are we related?

PS: I'm still trying to connect the Ron Burgundy nickname with your husband. Is he a newscaster or just a goober? LOL.

Casa Hice loves you!

Candace Jean July 16 said...

@Alix - Both. Goober AND a news anchor. win/win. Thanks for stopping by, Skinny!

Elaine at Matters of the Heart) said...

I have a big smile on my face. That was too precious. I have a feeling my Mom will be like this, she tends to already. I can not wait to see all the beautiful pictures of this wedding.
Have you picked your Mother-Son dance song?

Candace Jean July 16 said...

@ Elaine - Uh oh. There's a mother-son dance? It's quite obvious I've never done this before. Is there time for lessons? I won't be able to pick a song that won't make me sob uncontrollably.

Myrna Rae said...

I like your blog it has great insite. I invite you to come to my blog and look around.

Eyeglasses & Endzones said... no matter how much we LOVE our moms isn't that interesting? I kind of hope that is NOT me when my kids get older...I know that I am starting to ramble!!! =) End result: You got the answer....=)

Helen said...

My mom does this. So do I. That is why I named my blog Random Musings...because I tend to digress. If I don't I think I sound too formal.
As for a song that won't make you cry, have you considered any of the Veggie Tales songs? Perhaps something by Larry the Cucumber?Check this out! I bet it won't make you cry!

Candace Jean July 16 said...

Helen, you aren't going to make me polka in those silver heels are you? I would definitely cry - when I wrench my ankle. Surely there's a song called "I love Mom's Sesame Chicken, and by the way, she's a Chex Mix Ninja. Who knew??"

sherri said...

So what point are you trying to make? I think her messages sounded perfectly normal.

You need to get around more Candy, this is how REAL people leave messages!

I'm loving this lady. Have her call me. She can leave a message (or 3) if I'm not here.

Beth E. said...

This is hilarious! Your mom sounds just like Bill's mom. Bill used to call her (she passed away a few years ago) and all he EVER got to say was, "Hi Mom!" and "Love you...bye." Your mom sounds like a dear. :o)

Candace Jean July 16 said...

@Sherri - I'll give her your number. You may never get off the phone! Many of her stories start "Back when my mother was a child...."

Candy's Mom said...


Honey, PLEASE do not give that Sherri woman my phone number. I don't know how much longer I've got.

Liz (Loving Mom 2 Boys) said...

oh that's hysterical!! I thought my mom drove me crazy with the phone calls :)

vanilla said...

This whole story is hee-hee-larious; but the response from "Candy's Mom" is totally too precious! (Did she submit it on her mechanical typewriter?)

Candace Jean July 16 said...

Dear Mom,
Remember the cemetery plot you gave me for Easter? Right next to the one with your name on it? Keep this up, and we'll be racing to see who gets there first. And I don't mean delivering Dad's flowers. Now tell Sherri to hang up. I've been trying to call you for hours.

Steph @Red Clay Diaries said...

Oh, this has been my mom for my whole life. Now you've got me worried that she's only gonna get worse.

The only difference: My mom never says "gottagoloveyoubye." Somehow she never "gotstago." That ends up being me, cramming it in between her breaths. She has big lung capacity.

Matt @ The Church of No People said...

I get those kind of messages. I just put it on speakerphone and do the dishes or something.

Post a Comment