I've been praying for something for several months now. Lots of things, actually, but also for, shall we say, a "situation." Praying for something not to happen that I didn't want to happen because I didn't feel it was in the best interest of the parties involved. "Please Lord, don't let..."
My prayer was answered - this time the answer was Yes. This "situation" went away. Apparently God felt the same way I did.
But in the process of my prayer being answered, a heart was broken. Or at the least, bruised. How could I humbly thank Him for answering my prayer when I was listening to someone tell me about their grief, their heartbreak, their lost hope? I really struggled with this one. Relieved, yet guilty.
Exchanging my relief and gratitude for the another's heartbreak is not exactly fair trade.
At church last week Pastor talked about forgiveness. That's it! God will forgive me that I had caused someone heartbreak. Whew. I knew there was some sort of biblical step I could take that could absolve me of my guilt. My confession commenced.
Then the booming voice from heaven said...ok, really, it was a whisper of the Holy Spirit..."Just who do you think you are that you were in control of this situation? I knew what you wanted. I knew what needed to happen for the good of all involved. It just so happens, young lady (yes, I do believe He called me that) that we were on the same page this time."
Who am I to take credit for something that I never had control over in the first place?
God wants us to grow and become more like Him, and after my decades of experience, I know that this process most likely involves some pain, perhaps suffering, or at the very least an uncomfortable, restless heart. All of which are necessary for us to once again realize how much we really need Him to help us heal from the sometimes inevitable collateral damage.
Tea tonight: Tazo Zen