Sunday, September 28, 2008

Out of my body and into Him

***Update - original post is below***
Church services this morning were perfect. From 9-12 I cried, albeit holy-grace-and-mercy crying. "Why?" you ask?
  1. Glorious One
  2. So High
  3. How Great Thou Art (as only the PLC praise band can do)
  4. Made to Worship
  5. You are Mine (Jan sang it just like she will will sing it at my funeral. Ever felt like you were crying at your own funeral?)
  6. Pastor John's sermon - Game on, Fuller. (Praying my family will listen to the audio or watch the video online)
  7. Saw an old tennis friend I haven't connected with in months. In a service of 700 people, how would it come to be that she sat right behind me? Coincidence? I think not. Someone put her there.

So I'm much better now than the post I did earlier, and I'm ready to tackle this messy life, one dog hair and laundry load at a time.

All. Is. Well.

And I anticipate that God is going to do something awesome today.


Yesterday was a horrible day for me. I can't explain it, but this morning I'm bound and determined to make it a better one. I felt so "not of this world" that I was in. I was extremely tired, puffy, and nauseated all week long, and yesterday was no different and perhaps worse. I felt profoundly lonely, though there were family and friends around me all day long. I know everyone has days like that - some people can just blow through them and usually I can, too. But yesterday was deeply different. I was with people to whom I should have been more affable, more gracious. But I felt like my spirit and legs were knocked right out from under me and I couldn't function. I had not one ounce of energy. I felt robbed, broken, and left at the side of the road.

All. Day. Long.

I'm convinced that Jesus uses dark days to bow to Him, to bring us closer in our relationship with Him, and submit to Him things that darken our hearts and minds that the "average Joe" wouldn't think He could fix. I went to bed very early and read and listened to His word before drifting off to sleep. It was probably the best nights sleep I've had in a couple of weeks, and when I awakened long before sunrise today, I felt extreme gratitude for that (the good night's sleep, not the "before sunrise" part).

This morning I'm going to church-hop for 3 hours of nothing but Him and me. I'm going to try to put some semblance of order to my emotional and physical houses. Both are in horrible disarray.

Yes, it will be a better day.

Despite still being puffy. And nauseated. And lonely.


Tea today: a Salada green something or other, free sample, it will do

1 comment:

Julie said...

Great post. I have felt this way before.

I loved the quote from the pastor "to be absent in the body is to be present with the Lord." Sometimes I feel like an alien, far away from home, this world is not my home... I am a spiritual being having a physical experience and sometimes I feel the physical experience.

I don't know if this makes sense. But I understand the loneliness in a house full of people.

I have cried out to God many times to come to this lonely place and fill me up with Him. He always comes...

Thanks for sharing.
I found you from Becoming Me's blog. It's nice to meet you.

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