I did not cry incessantly through every single praise song except one during the two church services I attended at two separate churches yesterday. Only blubbering emotional wrecks do that. Nope, that wouldn't be me now, would it? Some days I'm simply a meltdown on the move, just waiting to happen.
Monday, September 29, 2008
"Not me!" Monday
Sunday, September 28, 2008
I was right.
Out of my body and into Him
Church services this morning were perfect. From 9-12 I cried, albeit holy-grace-and-mercy crying. "Why?" you ask?
- Glorious One
- So High
- How Great Thou Art (as only the PLC praise band can do)
- Made to Worship
- You are Mine (Jan sang it just like she will will sing it at my funeral. Ever felt like you were crying at your own funeral?)
- Pastor John's sermon - Game on, Fuller. (Praying my family will listen to the audio or watch the video online)
- Saw an old tennis friend I haven't connected with in months. In a service of 700 people, how would it come to be that she sat right behind me? Coincidence? I think not. Someone put her there.
So I'm much better now than the post I did earlier, and I'm ready to tackle this messy life, one dog hair and laundry load at a time.
All. Is. Well.
And I anticipate that God is going to do something awesome today.
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Yesterday was a horrible day for me. I can't explain it, but this morning I'm bound and determined to make it a better one. I felt so "not of this world" that I was in. I was extremely tired, puffy, and nauseated all week long, and yesterday was no different and perhaps worse. I felt profoundly lonely, though there were family and friends around me all day long. I know everyone has days like that - some people can just blow through them and usually I can, too. But yesterday was deeply different. I was with people to whom I should have been more affable, more gracious. But I felt like my spirit and legs were knocked right out from under me and I couldn't function. I had not one ounce of energy. I felt robbed, broken, and left at the side of the road.All. Day. Long.
I'm convinced that Jesus uses dark days to bow to Him, to bring us closer in our relationship with Him, and submit to Him things that darken our hearts and minds that the "average Joe" wouldn't think He could fix. I went to bed very early and read and listened to His word before drifting off to sleep. It was probably the best nights sleep I've had in a couple of weeks, and when I awakened long before sunrise today, I felt extreme gratitude for that (the good night's sleep, not the "before sunrise" part).
This morning I'm going to church-hop for 3 hours of nothing but Him and me. I'm going to try to put some semblance of order to my emotional and physical houses. Both are in horrible disarray.
Yes, it will be a better day.
Despite still being puffy. And nauseated. And lonely.
Again.
Tea today: a Salada green something or other, free sample, it will do
Friday, September 26, 2008
Catch Phrases for my heart and soul
There are themes. There are sermon series. And then there are the unique little "catch phrases" that each pastor uses that makes him so endearing. They probably don't even realize they're doing it - it's just their personality and God shining through their voices. It's fun to see how they have emerged over the years, grown in their communication and delivery style, and in each of them, have spoken so relevantly to my life. Here are some of my favorites.
Pastor John Fuller (Prairie Lakes Church): "Here's what....I ...knaoow...." (yep, that's just what it sounds like, and with a subsequent pause, it really makes you sit up and listen - and really, really believe. Love it!) and "Let's go to the Word...." That's my favorite. "Let's be Jesus with skin on." But I can't leave out "Step over the faith line..."
Pastor Justin Wise (Immersion/Lutheran Church of Hope): "This is huge...." & "This just Blows. My. Mind..." (Yeah, he actually talks like the punctuation is in there. Very effective.) & "Context is King!" This young whippersnapper is "wise" beyond his years, yet maintains his GenX/Y credibility while enlightening us boomers. He craves Jesus. His mind is always churning deeply, and he is very well prepared for his sermons on a level that is so relevant not only to the 20s and 30s in Immersion, but to their parents! Relevancy. What a concept. Sometimes his sermons are so perfect for me or my family during a particular need, I refer to him as "Justin Time." Whoa.
Pastor Mike Householder (Lutheran Church of Hope): "God is on the move...." & "Praise God for that..." Coupled with his personal stories, quick wit, and obvious passion for his congregation, it's not hard to see why this will be my church should I ever have the opportunity to live in Des Moines.
Pastor Richard Webb: (Lutheran Church of Hope): "Let's pray" (I can't do this one justice because words can't express the inflection or the timing in there, but it is spontaneous, very quickly and softly spoken, and seems to come most unexpectedly...out of nowhere. It's like an instant piece of peace. No other "catch phrase" from him as no two of his sermons are alike, and he uses really cool big words that just roll out of his mouth (along with that inflection and timing gift), and I'm telling you, this guy is smart. As in ::genius:: smart. A brilliant theologian who can pull the stories out of the Bible at will and tell them with drama and flair. He also remind us, now and then, that "God is not your housepet."
Pastor Tommy Sparger (North Point Church): "...and I believe this...I really do..." Perhaps it's that Texas twang, the folksy delivery, or if you're watching the video, the pity for the video dude who must constantly try to keep this cute little man of God within the viewfinder as he sprints across the stage. He's really a Holy Hoot. "Now...here's the dill" (in Iowa we say "deal"). And at the end he recognizes new believers with "...will you raise your hand so I know who you are. I want to pray for you..." Though I'm not a "new" believer, I would raise my hand so Tommy would look right at me and pray for me. God knows I need it.
Pastor Craig Groeschel (LifeChurch.tv): "Lift your hands up now, lift them high..." He does this recognizing new believers at the end of his sermons. Again, I'd be one raising my hands. I could really get into that one. He gets deep into my head, is extremely creative, and the pre-sermon videos are amazing.
The thing these guys all have in common is their humility, their love of Christ, and their shared times of shaken faith. They are admitted sinners (what? them too? is the world full of them?) and have fallen short. And they give illustrations in their sermons that bring us all down to earth, yet give me cause for pause to admire them. Better yet, they empower me to look more closely and where I am in my life and why that's ok. Because it's where God put me. Yet these "church dudes" are all so different from one another. What a party it would be to have them all together. With Lutheran jello. I praise God for them.
I have grown so strong in my faith because of these gifted people that even during a sheerly exhausting, refrigerator-dying, patient-crumping, car-clunking, sick dog meltdown, they push me toward Him. And He carries me. And He is really the only one who cares. I've certainly felt that this week. Romans 5:1-5
Need further proof of God's promise? How about newly blooming water hyacinths on my pond today - in September!!
Tea tonight: Young Hyson
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Baby Got Book
Tea today: Bigelow green, to go
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Not Exactly Your Itsy Bitsy Spider Bite
Sunday, September 21, 2008
"Not Me!" Monday
I did not just pretend I heard the dryer shut off and will not ignore the laundry until tomorrow. Or Tuesday. Or Wednesday.
Holy Cow!
Let's keep those prayers coming for MckFamily. And for those of you who noticed that today is 1 month, 1 week, and 1 day to Stellan's due date, don't think I wasn't reminded of this post!
Peace to you this Sunday,
Tea today: Genmaicha
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Just a little more Life in my Day. Please.
What an uplifting service and I have to say, that pretty-please prayer was answered. Not sure what kind of a funk I was in when I posted this morning, but I snapped out of it with the awesome Praise band, the sermon, and a great grilled chicken salad after Ron Burgundy and I got home. OK, I'm better now....but I still love this song!
Can't find video OR audio of this awesome NewSong song other than on my "Most Played" list on my iPod. But listen up - says it all for me today. The emphasis is mine. All mine.
My cell phone's ringing and I'm running late
Morning traffic's got me
Time is ticking away
A few more hours is all that I need
Seems like there is just not enough days in a week
But then it hits me
Time is not the answer
You've given me all the time in the world
All that I need is
A little more life in my day
A little more of Your life
A little more faith
A little more life in my day
A little more of Your light
To show me the way
If I'm gonna be in this world but not be of it
Lord, I need more of You
In all that I do
Put a little more life in my day
Sometimes I guess I get lost in the race
Trying to make a deadline just to keep the pace
I can't help feeling I'm always behind
So much that I can do if I could just find the time
But then it hits me
Time is not the answer
You've given me all the time in the world
All that I need is
A little more life in my day
A little more of Your life
A little more faith
A little more life in my day
A little more of Your light
To show me the way
If I'm gonna be in this world but not be of it
Lord, I need more of You
In all that I do
Put a little more life in my day
Lord, don't let be in such a hurry
Trying to live my life
That I miss You in it
Help me to take the time to see
All that I need, yeah
A little more life in my day
A little more life in my day
A little more of Your life
A little more faith
A little more life in my day
A little more of Your light
To show me the way
If I'm gonna be in this world but not be of it
Lord, I need more of You
In all that I do
Put a little more life in my day
(Pretty please???)
Tea today: Bigelow green
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Me, a Respectable Sinner
Worry.
Shame.
Pride.
Envy.
Guilt.
Ridicule.
Unhappiness (huh? yep.)
White lies (as in "no, your butt doesn't look fat in those pants").
Coveting.
Gossip.
Unthankfulness.
Telling someone you'll do something, then you don't.
Those were a few of the things we discussed, but I haven't gotten too deep in the book yet. It was such a powerful evening for me and I'm really enjoying the book along with the referenced Bible passages. My favorite reflection thus far is Galatians 5:22-23. It's such a good starting place for all of our daily actions (and reactions) to things, and how we are supposed to treat others on a daily basis.
There was one really sweet girl there who is bearing the burden of a "Mean Girls" sort of experience, and is taking steps in her life to slowly move beyond it. Oh how I felt for her, but am so encouraged that she found peace and comfort in the group. What was really neat was that we ranged in age from 20ish to 50ish (yes, I was close to the oldest one there) and yet we had so many things in common and things to share. Perspective is everything. Looking at something with someone else's eyes can totally change the view. After mulling the Fruits of the Spirit over in my mind, I sure would like to see how Jesus sees things that I see. Or perhaps I wouldn't.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A perspective on prayer from one of the pastors at one of the churches on my "Someday I'm Going to Visit" list:
Wow, that works for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now something from the Are you serious??? category:
Margarita and Bloody Mary mix in the Food Bank??? I'm not getting that one.
But it's still a place where God lurks in every corner. I saw Him everywhere.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Finally, why in the world does the label inside the fly of my capris I'm wearing today say "Find Adventure, Find Yourself?" I wonder if the previous owner asked that same question at some point. Just wonderin'.....
Tea today: White cantaloupe
Friday, September 12, 2008
The Family Stone, version 137
My baby. Alone. In a strange town. 110 miles away. No family doctor - until now. And though he wouldn't ever admit it... scared to death. I first heard the shakey uncertainty in his voice yesterday when he called about the blood and the tender, achy "brother." (What, you didn't know those two little things down there are called brothers?) First the blood, then the pain, then the SCATHING PAIN, the doctor, the barf-in-the-biohazard-bag, the CT $can, the drugs....oh my, what's a mother to do? I called too often. I heard about the worst of it after the fact, and I prayed. Oh, did I pray. Like a...
Down.
On.
My.
Knees.
Praying.
Fool.
For 36 hours.
KT said she felt in her heart it wasn't really serious, that her gut said he was going to be fine, but Moms don't think that way and the nurse brain totally loses reason and critical thinking when your baby's involved. But after gallons of Crystal Light, a shot in the butt, a trip to the pharmacy, and a subsequent drug-induced coma, I think the worst is over. Or seems to be. And I so wanted to be there, to do something, to, yes, baby him. He is and always will be, after all, my baby.
The worst part of this, really? Now that it's over? Now that I know he's ok?
::: He really didn't need me after all :::
Selfish, selfish me.
Tea tonight: Harney & Sons Green with citrus & ginko