I've been listening to a series of sermons (I don't like the word "sermon"- more like teachings, because I've truly learned). The first two were on prayer and really struck a nerve with me. I can hardly wait for the next two. Things I know, things I've learned, but things I, as an imperfect human, need to be reminded of. When I think of the prayers I've sent up to God over the last 57 years, I realize how crude, rude, and extremely selfish I've been. Yes, I've actually lied to God. (Sure am glad for that Grace gift). Made promises I didn't keep. Like He didn't know that?? I mean, He knows what I need, He knows what I want, and He knows it before I ask Him. He knows sometimes I am asking for entirely the wrong thing. He will give me one of three answers every time: Yes, No, or Not Yet. I must trust that His answer is the right one. So as I listen to these teachings again, I fully recognize the bold, raw, unmistakable truth - prayer doesn't change my situation. It changes me. Over the past few weeks, it's been huge. He has brought me to a point I wish I'd arrived at about 39 years ago, or even 2 years ago. But I am grateful that I am here now. Peaceful. He's got my back. He's a lot smarter than I am. God is really BIG. And tonight, at least for tonight, it feels really, really good. It is not an option for anyone or anything to change this feeling for me right now. I didn't feel like this 2 weeks ago. I knew I'd turn a corner, I just didn't know when. I'm in a different place. Now I'm off to practice because I'll never get good at this prayer gig if I don't practice, practice, practice. My first two words will be "Thanks, Abba!" Perhaps "You da Man!" will follow.
Tea tonight: Arizona Green with pomegranate
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