Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Meaningful Dialogue.

Disclaimer: I am hopelessly in love with the 3 men in my life. I say "hopelessly" because that's pretty much how conversations are sometimes. That being said, I do not think less of any of them. This is just a charming picture describing the differences between us, and a gentle sketch of how God has wired us as polar opposites. Why, I'm not sure. The scenarios below are accurate, though there was actually some sensible dialogue in between. If they ever read this (improbable) they will argue "it never happened like that." I swear on my father's grave, it did. In their defense, I'm leaving out the sensible parts of the conversation. To their credit, there were some.
Incident # 1, this morning:
Hubby (in a message left for me): "I’m at Dr. (urologist)'s office and they want to run a urine test. Should I do it? Call me."
I call him…
Me: Why are you at the doctor? Urine test for what? Blood? No, don't bother; we already know it’s bloody.
Hubby: Maybe, or something about chemicals that cause stones
Me: why are you at the office? Are you ok?
Hubby: I just stopped here
Me: Why, are you ok?
Hubby: Yeah, I just stopped in.
Hubby: Nothing, they want to do a urine test
Me: But how did you get there?
Hubby: My truck
Me: I mean what made you GO there?
Hubby: I’m not real sure
Me: Will insurance cover it?
Hubby: It might.
Me: How much is it?
Hubby: I didn’t ask.
(Stay tuned for a $500 UA, non-covered)

Incident #2, later, from my eldest, on his Bluetooth or Crackberry, in his car:
B: Where do I get one of those cases I keep my glasses in? I dropped mine and it broke. Who would sell those?
Me: Probably WalMart, but don’t go there. Go to where you got your glasses and they have tons of them. They’ll give you one for free.
B: But where would I buy one?
Me: Probably WalMart, but don’t go there. Go to where you got your glasses and they have tons of them. They’ll give you one for free.
B: Would they have them at like Walgreens or something?
Me: Yeah, but I would go to where you got your glasses and they have tons of them. They’ll give you one for free. Or go to any glasses place. They all have them. Free.
B: OK, I’ll stop by Walgreens or something. I have to get my car washed anyway.
Me: I’m glad you can afford a car wash – I haven’t done that for 2 years
B: It’s cheap. $20/month for unlimited washes.
Me (*chokes*): I’m glad you can afford $20 bucks a month to wash your car.
B: I wish this old lady in front of me would quit driving so slow (note not-so-subtle change of subject)
Me: Be nice. She’s hypermiling. I do that all the time. Saves gas.
B: Not in that [sic] boat she’s driving. Ok, bye. Thanks for the help.
Me (mumbling to a dead phone): yea, glad to be of service

Incident #3, on the phone with my best half:
Me: what did they say about Lucky [our dog who was sick yesterday] at Dr.Taylors?
Hubby: They liked him
Me: I KNOW they like him, what did they say about his health?
Hubby: He’s getting old
Me: We paid them to tell us THAT?? What about the throwing up?
Hubby: Not a big deal
Me: That’s because it wasn’t their carpet.
Hubby: They said he could have aspirin.
Me: For vomiting???
Hubby: No, for pain.
Me: But that will make him vomit.
Hubby: But he won’t hurt when he does.

That was the end of it until supper, during the second helping of spaghetti, when I said "You must be hungry; did you eat today?"

"Not really...."

I think that was a yes or no question.

Of all the mystery and wonder of God, HE really does listen to me. I know that for sure. PTL for that.

Tea tonight: Harney & Sons green with citrus & ginko


T-bess said...

That's hysterical! I thot only my husband talked that way!

Jo said...

Way funny, Queenie. I'll back you all the way if anyone argues about the truth to this. I've had lots of conversations that went this way. Bless you for sharing. Call me sometime for chips and salsa - miss you!

"Fainting Goat" who else??? said...

Finally got my computer up and running and getting caught up on your blog. You are too funny but WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??? You've been MIA at Monday Madness, Taco Tuesday, Tostada Thursday not to mention your TENNIS...you never come with us any more!! We don't laugh as hysterically when you're not there :-[ And we miss your food lectures, surgical dissection of mystery burritos, and there's nobody to eat my black olives. I haven't eaten a lemon at a restaurant since our last time out (A YEAR AGO??? TWO??). I still can't believe you took those to the bathroom to wash them off.

Deb said she sees you at church - do they have better food and a better tennis team??? I hear your Srs team is going to OKC - you going?

Please oh please tell me it wasn't my son at the gym you talked about in that earlier blog. If it was, lie. I'll ground him. After he regains consciousness.

You used to tell me that 90% of life was just showing up - when are YOU going to???? We miss you and it's almost your birthday. We will stalk you if you don't do chips and salsa with us for that. Have you found any tortilla chips shaped like Texas on eBay lately? Or nibbled any to try and sell? I've never laughed so hard in my life. Or had so much salsa up my nose.

Sorry about the long comment...

Candace Jean July 16 said...

I'll be back in action one of these days. Long story. And very busy at work.

No go to OKC - I didn't play last season so USTA won't let me go. Proud of the team, though! Woo hoo!

And no, it wasn't your son. If it had been, I'd have gotten a big hug, then he would have proceeded to "dead lift" or "clean and jerk" me just to show off (and embarrass me)! He's a sweetie - he'd never act like that. Besides, he knows I'd tell you!

Miss ya, girl. Keep in touch, if only on here.

mary said...

I can't tell you how hard I laughed at this. I'm sure you didn't think it was all that funny at the time, but it sure was in the written word! You need to write a book. Mar

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